What a Loooonnngggg Pause It's Been!

Hey there friend!

It's been so very long since I was here. I never got to share one single thing with you in 2017.

The funny thing is that my One Word for 2017 was PAUSE. 

No, I never thought it would be a year long pause from sharing life with you all here in blog land. 

Yep, I succeeded this year with truly focusing on my One Word. And in more ways than one. Actually, I didn't really have a choice. I had to learn to pause.

2016 ended with a BANG! Like literally!

The day after Thanksgiving I tripped at work and my face hit the tile floor. Broken nose, loose teeth, sprained wrist and various bruising were the least of it. It was the cognitive and memory issues I experienced from a concussion that forced me to learn to pause.

It took a few months to recover. And at one point, after weeks of slowly but surely feeling like the post concussion symptoms were almost gone they came back. Scary stuff!

Once again, through it all God was faithful, hubby was patient and encouraging and I'm thankful to now only have a "concussion brain" moment once in a while. 

So let's get you caught up with a few things that happened while I was learning to pause. 

Here are some things from 2017 (still can't believe a year's gone by) and leading into the New Year -

* In February I celebrated my 60th birthday. {so maybe some of my "concussion moments" should now be considered "senior moments"} 

* Hubby and I celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary in October. {after all this time I refer to him as my "hunk-a-munk-a" and he calls me his "hot tamale"} 

*In November it was 10 years since Kyle went to live with Jesus in heaven {still miss him every day but am ten years closer to seeing him again}

* On 1/10/18 it will be eight years since I posted for the first time here at Finding Hope & Joy!


I have my One Word for 2018 already chosen and I hope to get back here much more often in the coming year. 

So friend - Happy New Year!! I sure hope you'll drop by often in 2018. Lord willing I'll be here -sharing life to encourage you. 


Love ya,

Five Minute Friday Fun: Reflect

Hi friend!

What day is it?
It's Friday!

And what does that mean?
It's time to party and have us some 5 Minute Friday fun! 

The party is at Kate's place in blog land. It's a linky party / blogger flash mob / free writing exercise. Whatever you want to call it, I say it's just plain fun - blog land style.


 ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
and GO!

REFLECT

I'm sitting here wondering what I want my life's story to reflect.

And hands down, every time, in all my ways - I want to be a light for Jesus.

As a child I remember singing a sweet little song in Sunday school while I ate my animal crackers and drank apple juice from a little paper cup {funny how some memories stick with you} that went something like:

"A sunbeam, a sunbeam,
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.
A sunbeam, a sunbeam,
I'll be a sunbeam for Him."

I haven't eaten animal crackers in many years and for some reason apple juice gives me a stomach ache.


But, the meaning of that Sunday School song still rings true in my spirit. As an adult it's become an often whispered prayer:

Dear Jesus,

Help me each day to reflect your love and grace to every person I come in contact with.

May I have an attitude that honors you.
Help me to see others as you see them.
And help me, Lord, to reflect your love to them.

As I read my Bible each morning and am reminded of your love, grace, mercy and faithfulness help me to reflect those things through out my day.... to the unloved, the lonely, the hopeless, the misunderstood and the hurting.

I want my words to speak truth and life. Help me to encourage others.

I want to reflect Jesus ... to be like a mirror reflecting His love and grace to those around me.

I want to be a sunbeam for Him.


and STOP!



~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

So friend. What do you want your life's story to reflect?

{* Five Minute Friday Fun disclaimer- this took longer than five minutes, but was still fun and written on Friday night. I'd say that two out of three is not so bad.}

Love ya, 

My One Word for 2014 ~ Balance

Hey there friend!

These past few years I never seem to know what One Word I'll choose, or maybe more accurately, will choose me until sometime in December. However, I was beginning to think I'd just skip this little bloggy land tradition in 2014. You see this year it wasn't until January 1st that I knew.

I had been considering and praying about a few words, but none seemed to fit.

~ Focus was the first word I considered. But no, I get too focused sometimes and neglect all else. Just ask hubby how many times I've focused on my quilting and 30 minutes before our normal dinner time ask him if he'd mind cooking. Which translated means "please go get Publix subs or something from McDonald's".

~ Create was another word considered. Ummmm  noooo, probably not a good idea. You know - because of that whole over focusing thing when I get to creating quilts and pillows and totes. Oh my!

~ Dream was very briefly considered. However, I'm a planner and a list-checker-offer. Definitely not much of a dreamer.

And then on January 1st it all made perfect sense. Whooo Hooo!  I get so excited when my word finds me.

My One Word 2014 is BALANCE

photo by 123_SMILE__ (photobucket.com)

 

 Balance:

A situation in which 

different aspects or features 

are treated equally 

or exist in the correct relationship 

to each other.

That's the perfect definition to go along with what I was thinking balance should mean in my life this year. Also, something I think is interesting is that my One Word can be used as a noun or a verb. I want there to be balance {noun} in my life by balancing {verb} my time and priorities. Pretty cool!


What happened on 01/01/14 that caused me to know this was the word for me?

Well, it was a day filled with ....
..... quite time with Jesus.
When I neglect this my days don't seem right. Like kinda out of balance. And it happens more often than I'd like to admit. But I'm working on it.  
..... family. 
Hubby and I had a relaxing morning together. And we had mom over for dinner.
..... friends. 
A dear friend I hadn't seen in a few years stopped by. So nice to catch up and reminisce.
..... creating. 
I spent just a little bit of time finishing up a small quilting project.
..... organizing. 
I love when things are cleaned and organized. The mess on the desk was my project and I conquered the mess. 
..... planning. 
It was the second week in a row I had off work on a Wednesday. It felt good to plan out the rest of my odd week. {unless you are a true planner and list-checker-offer you will not understand}

It was such a wonderful day! Balanced in every way. I mean there was even a great cup of flavored mocha & caramel coffee in the morning and in the evening some ice cream cake after dinner.

Yep!  I'd say that's totally balanced. 

Love ya,

5 Minute Friday Fun: See

Hi friend!

Happy first Friday of the new year!

What day is it? It's five minute Friday! Well at least in blog land it is.

Every Friday for about four years writers have gathered over at Lisa-Jo's place in blog land for something she calls 5 Minute Friday. It's a linky party / blogger flash mob / free writing exercise. Whatever you want to call it, I say it's just plain fun - blog land style.

Everyone spends five minutes writing on the same topic. If they have a blog, they link up to Lisa-Jo's post on that week's topic. No blog? No problem! Just leave your five minutes of writing in the comments section at Lisa Jo's place.

 ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
and GO!

SEE

She said,"You always try to see the best in people."
She didn't mean it as a compliment, but also not as an offense either.
She was stating a fact. An observation about me.

And yea, I guess I do. I don't know why that is.

Some seem to think this is silly. Or dumb. Or makes me weak.

But isn't seeing the best in everyone something Jesus did?

I want to see the best in others. Which means I'm compassionate, have tons of empathy,
and try not to judge others.

I don't like to see.......
..... people being mistreated or made fun of.
..... someone being impatient with an elderly person.
..... someone eating alone when I'm out at a restaruant {even as a kid it bothered me}.
..... someone feeling sad. See someone crying? I may go over and give them a hug and ask if they're ok. And say a prayer with them as well.

This all makes me think of an Amy Grant song - Father's Eyes.

I want to have my Father's eyes and see others the way He sees them.

And I know it's a good thing to be this way.  Jesus made me this way.

and STOP!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~   Father's Eyes ~ Amy Grant Songwriters: CHAPMAN, GARY WINTHUR

I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl,
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world.
But that's all right, as long as I can have one wish I pray:
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say,

She's got her Father's eyes,
Her Father's eyes;
Eyes that find the good in things,
When good is not around;
Eyes that find the source of help,
When help just can't be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through
And feeling it the same.
Just like my Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
Just like my Father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone.
And when you're called to stand and tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be,

She had her Father's eyes,
Her Father's eyes;
Eyes that found the good in things,
When good was not around;
Eyes that found the source of help,
When help would not be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through,
And feeling it the same.
Just like my Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
Just like my Father's eyes.
My Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
Just like my Father's eyes.

Love ya,

I'm Diving In

Hi friend!

This is it! I've made up my mind!

I'm gonna dive right in and open my etsy shop. I've been thinking about it and talking about it... and enough already!

No more waiting.
No more hesitating.
No more standing on the edge.

Here I go..... one.... two..... three.....

WAIT!

Hold on!

I'm not sure I'm ready.
Let me set things up.... let me get things prepared.... everything just right.

OK now I'm ready. 

But wait - it looks so scary.

I can't see everything clearly.... what if I dive in and flounder around in etsy land... or if I get swallowed up in spending more money than I can make? or swept away in thoughtful creativeness and forget to feed the dog?

Silly Me! A bit dramatic maybe?!

Ya know what friend?

This reminds me of swimming lessons when I was a kid at summer camp. 

I did pretty good with the floating, treading water, and swimming in general. But, when it came time to learn to dive it was a very scary thing.

Maybe it was the cold, inky black water and not being able to see the bottom of the lake.
Or the scary instructions by the swim teacher to dive in hands first.  As opposed to diving in head first and getting paralyzed when your head hits the bottom of the lake. Yikes!

Looking back I realize that:
 a. yea,  lake water is dark
and
 b. the chances of my going straight down ten feet and hitting bottom was pretty slim.

I also realize I was ready. I could swim, float and hold my breath under water.

And still I'd ....
 .... get all set up - right up to the edge of the dock.
 .... be all prepared - knew what the instructor told us to do.
 .... have everything just right - toes just over the edge, knees bent, hands over my head.

Here I go..... one.... two..... three.....

WAIT!

I'd  back away from the edge or kinda just freeze in place. 

The instructors should have been given a medal for not just pushing me in - I'm sure they must have been very tempted, but they never did.

Well, I finally did dive at least once and so I did pass the test. But, I've never really liked diving. I'd rather jump in feet first and hold my nose.

So yea, I'm gonna go ahead and dive jump into the world of esty.

Ready?
Set?
JUMP!!!!!!!

A Lazy Saturday's Thoughts & Some Randomness

Hello friend!

No deep thoughts today. It's Saturday and I'm making it a "lazy me" kinda day. Maybe I'll go get my hair cut and colored after lunch. Maybe not. If I do, there's a McD right in front of where the salon is.... so I'm thinking a caramel frappe will do nicely afterwards. I even have a $1.00 off coupon.

Because I'm chillin' today I thought I'd go ahead and just share a few thoughts {actually ideas I had for posts, but never developed them} and some randomness.

~ Something to think about: Instead of  it always being about what I can do for God -  it's sometimes about what He wants to be for me.  {hint: my hope, my joy, my help.....} Now that's something good to ponder on a lazy day. :)

~ If I ever owned two dogs I'd name one "Marco" and the other "Polo". Think about it.  What fun calling them.... get it?  Marco! Polo!

~ Did you know fried gator tail does NOT taste like chicken. At least the chicken I cook is not chewy. Ewww! Yes, I really did  try it. But, don't worry, this Jersey girl is not  becoming a southern redneck {don't know if any of my friends here in bloggy land are southern rednecks. - please know that no offense was intended}

~ On the subject of my bucket list:  I can now check off - eating fried gator tail. Check! Well, ok, it was never on my list. But, it should have been and maybe the sick feeling I had for the rest of the day would have been worth it.

~ A second bucket list mention: I have checked off  learning to quilt from my bucket list! I've made a few quilts now and LOVE to quilt. The desire to quilt started with the idea of  using Kyle's shirts to make a memory quilt. And I've completed that, too. It's an extra special feeling curling up in "Kyle's quilt".

~ Questions: Does the boat hold on to the anchor or does the anchor hold on to the boat??
  And when "waves" hit your life what do you hold on to? What holds you from slipping under for the third  time?

~ I am loving the distressed look of furniture that I'm seeing on other blogs, on pinterest and in stores. Hubby is a bit worried I'm gonna distress every piece of furniture in our home. Ha!

~ May try my hand at decoupage and stenciling. {see not everything is gonna be distressed}

~ I love commas. Do I use too many? I write like I'd be talking, so when I take a breath I add a comma. *giggle*

~  I'm in the process of writing a post and submitting it to one of my favorite bloggers to possibly have it used as a guest post on her blog. BIG step for me! But, I figure that it's about something I've been meaning to share anyways and now it's getting done. So even if mine isn't chosen it's all good.

~  I think I put off writing it (see above) because it's gonna end up being a three part story. Part one, that I'm submitting for the guest post, is titled "One Bag Full".  Parts two and three are gonna be titled "Dumpster Diving" and "A Gift From TN".

~ Having to write a bio for the possible guest post is work. What to say about me? Oh, what to say? I want to sound interesting. But, also like just ordinary me. I don't want to sound silly- even though I can be silly - some people can only appreciate my silliness once they get to know me. Hmmm, what to say.

So friend that's gonna be it for today. I'm gonna go be lazy now. Happy Saturday to you!

Adventure Is Not For Me .... Or Is It?

So Bonnie over at Faith Barista has given us our weekly assignment.
Write about one word - Adventure.
All she asks is that we keep it real.



ADVENTURE

That's easy - I don't like that word. So, this should be pretty short. I just don't like what the word "adventure" could mean. When I think of an adventure I think of doing something totally new. And scary unknown.

Adventure? Nope, not me. No thank you.

I'm a wanna-know-what's-coming-next kinda gal. I've told you before that I'm my family's "OP" {Official Planner}. We've gotta have a plan people.

Adventure implies that you fly by the seat of your pants. Yea, like whizzing down a zip-line. Or riding a roller coaster. I don't want my life to feel like either of those stomach churning activities.


And yet, one of my favorite sayings is:

LIFE....
... is not a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside,
totally worn our and proclaiming,
"WOW!!  What a ride!"


I just love that! I love the whole idea of really living life to the fullest -  enjoying each twist and turn and dip and spin around. Whew! But, let's just plan it out a bit. OK?

I might just be having a crazy thought here as I'm writing, but would it really be so bad to treat life like it's an adventure? To live it like, well, like you're on a roller coaster. Just hanging on and enjoying the ride.

Let me think about it a minute. Umm, no. I'm not there yet.
Well, maybe a kiddie roller coaster?

And than again, do I really want to get to the end of my life and instead of saying - "WOW!"
I say "Now that was a great plan."  Boring. Dull. Blah.

So maybe, just maybe,  adventure is not such a bad thing.
Not if it makes life exciting.  Not if at the end of life you know you've lived it well.

OK, friend .... let's make 2012 a year that we try to have some adventure. Let's really focus on living this life that we've been given. Let's give more, love more, dance a little, sing at the top of our lungs, take a risk, and laugh a lot.  Let's try new things. And all the while let's make sure we truly enjoy this crazy, wild ride called life.

Since, I'm not an adventurer I may need a little help here. What do you suggest as ways to put a little adventure in my life? Take it easy on me. And be realistic. I'm not as young as I used to be so nothing like snow boarding. And nothing as scary as jumping from a plane. But other than that what would you suggest?

One last thing -
I have a little confession to make.
I really think that riding a zip-line would be a blast. But, not a fast one and not from up too high. Do they have kiddie size zip-lines?

Top 10 JOY Givers

Today I'm heading over to Bonnie's to join in her weekly Faith Barista Jam.



I'm a little late since her jam sessions happen on Thursday. But, she's really great and won't mind if I stop by a little late.

Our one word topic is: JOY 

No rules - just write. 

And as Bonnie says-  "Keep it real". 

I love that JOY is our word this week! My little place here in bloggy land was started because I wanted to share how I was finding hope & joy again after the tremendous grief of losing my son in 2007.

I think joy is definitely a feeling. It can be subtle or strong. Joy can even bring a person to tears.


It's synonyms are....
.... happiness,
.... peace,
.... contentment
.... and chocolate. *wink*


So, for today, I think I want to just list a few of the things in my life that bring me joy.

And how about..... oh, let's say .....  how about 10. The top ten things that bring me joy. 

My top 10 JOY givers:{in no particular order}

1. spending time with Hubby  

He truly is my BFF. Whether he's following me around the store as I hunt for fabrics for a quilt, or we're watching TV after dinner, as long as we're spending time together it brings me a happy feeling. In fact, our favorite place to be? simply together

2. someone actually wanting to pay me to make them a quilt 

That's part of my "God-sized Dream" I wrote about last year. It's an exciting kind of joy.

3. chillaxing & counting

Usually, this is done with a cup of flavored coffee and maybe some chocolate. {just saying that seems to help the process} And than to sit quietly and count my blessings. However, I don't sit still for long. I give it about as long as it takes me to finish that yummy cup of coffee. Yet, sitting still and thinking of how blessed I am brings me a sweet joy.

4. crafts / DIY 

A few projects I've done lately: quilting, painting & distressing a shelf, and making a boring white lampshade simply beautiful. The whole process - from choosing the colors to the final product gives me a joyful satisfaction. {hopefully, I'll share the joy and post some pictures soon}

5. family 

Life is fragile and sometimes too short. I really have an appreciation for spending time with my mom, son and daughter-in law. Even just a phone call can bring me joy.

6. singing praise & worship songs in church
When I'm singing songs to Jesus my hearts fill with joy and I sing louder (hope that doesn't ruin the joy of others around me). Sometimes as I'm singing,  I realize I'm standing there, singing loudly,  with a huge grin on my face. What can I say? I love praising Jesus.

7. the beach
Aaahhhh. Peaceful sigh. The beach brings a very peaceful and almost soothing kind of joy to my soul.  This past summer we had a wonderful week at Siesta Key. I actually found myself sighing - peaceful and content little sighs - as I'd look out our condo window and view the beach across the street.  aaahhhhhh

8. answered prayer
Nothing like knowing that God heard my prayer and has taken the time to show me His answer. Woo Hoo!

9. knowing I'm loved
It's a great feeling knowing I'm loved by God and my family. They know me the best and still love me. Wow! That kind of joy settles down in my heart and brings thankfulness.

There you have it! Numbers 1 thru 9.
Almost done.

And number 10? 

10. YOU
You taking time to visit me here. Thank you!

So hey! I'd love to know a few things that bring you JOY. 

Go ahead, leave a comment. 

And that would be number 11 - your comments always have a way of bringing me JOY!

A Fun Bloggy Game

Hi friend!

Every one likes to play games right? There are board games, party games, baby shower and bridal shower games. I remember some fun games from way back in the day that at Tupperware and Longaberger parties.


I've recently started following a blog written by a sweet gal named Melanie. She's written a couple of posts lately that remind me of the fun party games we play to get acquainted.  I'm not trying to steal her cute game idea. But, if you want to play along go on over to where she writes at   Only A Breath  and join in the fun.
{of course if you'd like to leave me a comment I wouldn't mind and I'm pretty sure Melanie won't either}

It's just that I've enjoyed the process and wanted to share the fun with you.
So here is a copy of my comment (with typos edited) to Melanie's prompts ~

Hi Melanie!

I love that you are gonna do this every now and than!

The best thing about 2011 was ~ me and hubby getting away for a whole week to Siesta Key. My aunt let us stay in her condo right across from the beach. We hadn’t been on any kind of vacation in seven years. We were so blessed the whole week with beautiful weather, just relaxing and spending time together.

In 2012 I would really love to:

1. start a small biz ( etsy, consign at shops in town, etc) selling quilts, pillows, and decoupaged items that I create

2. go to Siesta Key for vacation again (only if we have someone to puppy sit for us)

3. pay off our charge card debt

2012 is the year I stop ~

Oh where do I begin…… and what would I really want to write down and document in bloggy land…… ummmmm ….. how about I just think on this one a bit more. *wink*

2012 is the year I start ~

Oh where do I begin….. eating healthy, walking, blogging regularly, reading my Bible more, better church attendance, intentionally developing friendships…. yikes! if I keep going I’m really gonna sound like an unhealthy, lazy, backsliding hermit.

If I get a wild hair, I might just ~ apply for Wheel of Fortune in 2012. Yea, I know that may not seem very “wild” I guess. But I’d have to fly to CA and I hate to fly. I hate to fail and what if I got all “bankrupts” and the trip out there would cost more than I’d win. Oh my, what a risk.

So there you have it – hope it’s not TMI and I don’t seem too silly. I’m just being real and being myself.

BTW – I’ve never heard the expression “get a wild hair”. At first I was thinking of a wild gray hair that you just yank out. lol

Hope you and your family have a blessed New Year!!!

Debbie G

Well, friend hope this has been informative as well as a bit entertaining. If you want to get the full experience go on over to Only A Breath. 

Hoping you too have a blessed New Year! 

A $50.00 Lesson Of Grace

So, I asked for it and I got it.
I had been asking the Lord to show me an example of grace in my life.

I had my definition for grace all ready to share:
grace = getting what you don't deserve; unmerited favor

Now all I needed was a clever example.

Let me back up a bit though.

Recently, over at 29 Lincoln Avenue , Stacey held a giveaway.  She was giving away an art print by Dee at Red Letter Words . The print was covered with portions of  Bible verses about Grace. I wasn't gonna enter because.... yep, you guessed it - "I never win anything". But, I really, really liked it. The bits of verses Dee used on this print are some of my favorites. So, I left a comment -  just in case, maybe this time, I'd win.

Well what do you know!
A few days later I got an email from Stacey saying: "Congratulations! "
I had won!

Now, this is where my praying for an example of grace comes in.

I had almost all I needed for a great post .....
... Topic for my post 
check
... Thank Stacey
check
... Let you know about Red Letter Words
check

All that was left was an example of grace.
Something personal I could share.
Perhaps a wonderful way I extended grace to someone else.

Ready? Here we go - grace - keeping it real and being honest.

A few weeks ago hubby wanted to spend extra money for a Wii system. He had saved up almost the total amount needed and now they were on sale. So, I extended grace to my wonderful husband and said very sweetly and lovingly  "Go ahead and get it babe. Don't worry about the extra $50.00. In fact, go out tomorrow and buy it". 

Ummm .... well .... no.
That's not what I said. 
{but I wish it was}

Truthfully, I explained to him, not very calmly or sweetly, that we didn't have the extra money. Our car lease, that he is very well aware of, will be ending soon and we needed to save all we could for another car. Not to mention that we were only half way through the month and blah blah our budget blah blah and weren't we trying to pay off our credit cards.....

He walked away, in the middle of my detailed, RANT explanation and let the dog out. Oh well, I was right and he knew it. If just in case he didn't, I was sure the my cool attitude towards him the rest of the evening would help him realize how wrong he was.

I mean how childish and selfish!
Ummm... I was thinking him and not me.
{bet that's not what you're thinking}

OK, and moving on.

Anyways, just a few days ago I was out with my mom. I had just finished sewing my first rag quilt the day before. It turned out pretty good.  We agreed that it would be great for me to sew another quilt and we could give it to a mutual friend who is having a baby boy. While we were out we stopped by a fabric store. We picked out some of the prettiest fabric for the quilt.  We decided we'd split the cost of the fabrics, thread and flannel material.

Silly us! We were very excited about the pretty fabric and how it all matched so nicely. We kept agreeing how much fun we were having. We were happily thinking how much our friend would like the quilt. And in all our happy excitement we simply didn't check the price of each yard of fabric. Because this was a spur of the moment trip to the store I didn't bring my quilt info with me. I found out when I got home we got at least twice the amount that we needed.

When we got to the register both of us were shocked at the cost of our purchase. I felt maybe a little sick too, but that could have been that it was way past lunch time.

Almost done with my story. Hope you're still with me friend.

When I got home I had to tell hubby what had happened at the fabric store. So I brought him a strawberry banana smoothie from McDonald's and told him we needed to talk. 

After I had explained what I had done he said, "What is done is done. Please don't do this again - next time think before you do things".
{meaning: listen to my head and not my heart - I take after mom for that}
"No, I'm not mad at you." "I love you."

Even though I knew that this is how he'd probably react (even if I didn't bring him a smoothie),  I couldn't help but feel undeserving of his grace.

After the way I had reacted to him? No, I didn't deserve it.
After the way I had treated him? Didn't deserve it. 

Even though I had apologized to him and felt awful about it,  I still felt undeserving of his love and grace.

But, isn't that what grace is all about?  Yep, it's getting what you don't deserve.

So to sum it up .....

Being on the receiving end of grace given is pretty great. It made me feel loved, as well as, thankful for the wonderful hubby God has given me.

My "$50.00 Lesson of Grace" was not what I expected, yet it's a lesson I won't forget.
{hoping that next time I ask the Lord for an example I can get to be the "good guy" }

Hey friend, hope you'll extend some grace to me and not judge me for my less than gracious attitude toward hubby. I'm a work in progress. He understands that and so does Jesus. And believe me I'm so glad they do.

Aren't we all a work in progress? That's one reason why it's very important that we remember to give grace to each other.

Today my Grace print came in the mail.  I love it's message of grace!
{thanks Stacey and Dee}
And today hubby went out and bought his Wii game. 
{thanks mom for your gracious gift so he'd have enough to buy it}

Oh, and the amount that I needed to pay for my half of the material?
Yea, $50.00. Pretty ironic huh?!

4/17/11 {a look back at 4/16/11}

Hey friend..... this is not my usual type of post. But, I can't sleep and am thinking. I'm sitting here sorting out my memories and feelings from yesterday. Somehow, to write it out just seems like a good idea.  I usually try to write for you friend, but this time it's for me.  Hope you don't mind.

Today is Sunday.
Today is the day after my daddy died.

Right now I can't sleep.
Right now is 25 hours since we rushed over to mommy & daddy's house at 5:30 AM.

How many times did I scream "NO!" "NO, NOT MY DADDY" while getting dressed.
How many times did I think "I can't believe this".

Phone calls I made:  to my brother, to my boss, to my friends.
Phone calls mom made: to her pastor, to daddy's sister, to friends.

Lists of things to do.
Lists of things to remember.
Lists of more people to call on Monday.

Remembering, missing him, disbelief.
Tears, laughter, silence, planning.
Regrets, thankfulness, hope.
No concept of time.
Hard to focus.

And through it all He held us, comforted us, gave us His peace.
And through it all others prayed, spoke words of love, gave hugs.

This is so very hard. However ......
.... we can do hard.
.... we will be OK.
.... we will see daddy again one day!

To Thine Own Self......

I just can't do it.  I can't pick my word.  My "One Word for 2011".  Nope it's not gonna happen.

It's not that I can't think of some good words. It's not like I can't think of some areas in my life that need to change. And I really did want to play along here in blog land. Maybe even link up with another blogger who is week by week featuring our words.

I.
Just.
Can't.

The truth is I had a word. Even made a cute acrostic for it. But than I felt like it wasn't the right word. So, I chose another one. No cute acrostic to go with this one.  And no problem there, I was going to ask you for acrostic ideas. Some of you were very clever doing this when you made comments for my give-away last year.

However, for the past week I have tried a number of times to write about my word. Last night after sitting here again - for almost an hour - I stopped and shared with hubby my frustration.

His thinking was to stop blogging. So ummm yea, he still doesn't get this whole blog land thing I've been enjoying.

After praying about it a bit I realized what my problem was. Once I knew that, it was easy to figure out the solution. I simply need to: be true to myself!

When I do that I also stay true to my purpose in sharing here at "Finding Hope & Joy". I realize now that that's when it's been the easiest to write. I really enjoy sharing with you about the lessons learned, goofs by silly me and even the pain as I live out my life's story. In some ways it's like sitting down and chatting with a friend.

You see,  I'm not a writer. Never have been. I didn't like creative writing in high school. Give me a topic to write on and forget it - literally. I get brain freeze. Not the kind I get from those yummy frozen frappe drinks. Nope, I just can't figure out what I want to say or how to say it. Pretty funny don't ya think - for someone who has the "gift of gab"?! 

Before I left for work this morning I had some extra time so I sat down to write share with you what I had discovered last night. I've now spent another maybe thirty minutes and am almost finished. No frustration. No wondering if what I'm saying is ok. 

Just sitting here with - yep,you guessed it: a warm cup of mocha flavored coffee.  And you friend! Ahhh {big sigh}... this is what Finding Hope & Joy is supposed to be about.

One more thing..... I'm wondering if you ever get caught up with something others are doing? And try it even if it's not something you'd normally enjoy.... and keep trying even if you get frustrated doing it?  (please tell me I'm not the only one) If you do, well, all I can say to that is: to thine own self be true.

Just be the you God created you to be!

It's a Random Beginning

Hi friend, yep it's really me. So sorry I've been slacking with my posting. It doesn't mean I don't have things to chat about with you here in blog land. I guess I just needed a break to get a few other things in life organized and taken care of in general.

Also, I've started a second blog. There is a journey that I've started on that I really want to journal about. I hate regular journaling with pen & paper, but enjoy it here in blog land. So, I love that I can blog this journey - even if it's just for me (at least for now).

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
OK friend, since I've missed posting anything for a while (umm like 7.5 weeks) and I don't have a post ready, I hope you won't mind me starting this year with a few random thoughts that were gonna be posts, but  I've realized they really are just.... well, a few random thoughts....

~ This year at Christmas we really cut back on our spending. Our joy was in giving to others. This makes me think that one of God's greatest joys is giving to us.... uh-duh He did give us His Son.

~ You know that excited feeling you get the day before your birthday or on Christmas Eve?  I wish I had that super anticipation kinda feeling every morning when I wake up wondering " is this the day? Is this the day Jesus comes back?". Honestly, I don't but I wish I did.... working on it.

~ Here are a few random thoughts on the previous random thought (this is getting kinda tricky)
* hearing angels singing praises to the Lord will be so much better than hearing Happy Birthday sung to me
* all of the glitter and twinkling lights at Christmas just can't compare to the glory we'll see in heaven!

~ Inner beauty is so much harder to maintain than outer beauty.  The highlights in our hair, plucking the eyebrows (ouchie), tummy control jeans and some make-up do the trick nicely as far as outer beauty goes.  But, to have inner beauty it's stuff like - keeping the sarcasm to a minimum, not joining in the office gossip, and keeping all the "selfs" .... self-pity, selfishness, self-centerness under control.  And that's work, but by God's grace it's possible.


And here are a few one liners that I found  in my blog folder. I jot these things down any time, any place and  from various sources..... at church, at home, at work, in bed.....things I've read, church sermons, devotionals, blogs, church signs or just thoughts/feelings that I may want to explore and write more about.

~ "God is in all the details of my life.... the little, the big and the in-between"
That day I needed to be reminded that God cares about those in-between, everyday type things.

~ "God doesn't give explanations. He gives promises." 
I'm standing on His promises daily! And I know I don't get to have all the questions answered.

~ "Having a broken heart stinks"
Aah yea, guess I was having a "missing my Kyle" kinda day. Than I'm reminded that "the Lord is close to the brokenhearted" and I'm comforted.

~ "My plan vs God's provision"
As I plan our budget each month I really plan it with a capital P.  The Lord is showing me it's His provision - not my plan - and to just chill out a little.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By now you know that I love to plan and make lists. Which means I do have a few things on my "blog idea" list to share with you and chat about as I begin the new year and my second year of blogging.

So, I'm thinking my first new post should be my "One Word for 2011".  I've seen a few other bloggers doing this and I'll just join in this blog land fun. I figure as long as I get it posted before February it will still be ok...  don't want to break any blog land rules.

Looking forward to another year.... with Jesus and you!

Sweet 35

Wow! 35 years!

Yep, hubby & I just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary.  I'm so thankful for living this life with him by my side and me by his side.

We've lived in 2 states, 6 cities and 8 homes.
We've had the joy of raising 2 sons.
We've had the pleasure of welcoming 1 wonderful daughter-in-law into our family.
We've had to say "good-bye" way too soon to 1 son who is safe in heaven with Jesus.

When we got married 35 years ago we made some promises to each other and to God. You know the ones, those traditional wedding vows promising to love each other.....

... in Sickness & in  Health ~
Of course, like anyone else we've experienced both sickness and health. Actually, I think it's kind of funny that when we got married hubby had a cast on his foot up to just below the knee from a broken shin bone. (Ummm, have I mentioned that I sometimes have a weird sense of humor?)   Also, hubby has been on disability and unable to work for the last 26 years. As for me, I've fought depression on & off most of my adult life. It's a chemical imbalance type of thing. (I heart Zoloft) But, when you're 18 & 21 years old you don't think about that stuff. Maybe with the whole "cast on the foot thing" we should have?  *giggle*

... for Better & for Worse ~
Well, ya know, life happens and we've had better and we've had worse.  In fact, about 8 years ago, we {our marriage} almost didn't make it.  As I look back on that time, I realize we were each being selfish in our own way. Selfishness has no place in a healthy marriage. It's by the grace of God and fervent prayer - mostly prayed by hubby - that our marriage was healed.

... for Richer & Poorer ~
We are definitely richer! Yea! 
No, we don't live in a mansion. We don't have 3 cars, 1 boat, a maid and go on vacations to Bermuda or anything like that. We don't even have a retirement fund. But, I'd say we're richer now than on the day we got married. After living so much of life together I think it's bound to happen.
We are rich in memories - 35 years of memories. We have a rich appreciation for life and especially our life lived together. We have a richer love for each other. We have a  richer commitment to our marriage. We truly are each other's BFF.

... till death do us part ~
Yep that's gonna be us - together forever.

Actually, I think our computer's screen saver sums up these 35 years together pretty well -
Tom Loves Debbie..... 
& Debbie Loves Tom......
Forever, For Always and No Matter What!!!

Walking (not just talking)

You've probably heard the saying:  "if we talk the talk, we should walk the walk"

Within a week of my last post, Stopping Long Enough, I had to make a choice of whether or not I was going to walk out what I had talked about.

Take a look at these two sentences from that post ~
"I stopped long enough to feel His love for me. During those times this week I recommitted all that I had to Him."

Yep, that's exactly what I said. I had talked it and was quickly given the opportunity to walk it.

When faced with the uncertainties in life ~ would I trust Jesus with all that I had committed to Him?

Friday afternoon I was faced with some uncertainty concerning the future of my job. Friday night our A/C went out. That would most certainly put a strain on our already tight finances. Monday I went for my yearly mammogram. What if there are health issues to be faced?  That just can't happen..... because if I don't have a job than I don't have insurance......

.... so what did I do?
Did I cry?  Yes (a little)
Did I want to hide? Yes 
Did I pray? Yes (a lot)
Did I loose any sleep? Yes  (that "yes" was at least partly due to not having any A/C - in Florida- in August)

What did I, the self-appointed "OFP" {official family planner},  do about all of this?
Well, I had to fight the urge to try to plan out all the answers. So, no lists. No plan B.

I just kept reminding myself that when I had committed everything in my life to the Lord it was because I know He is faithful. I know He loves me. I believe He wants what is the very best for me.  And I want what He wants.

Each time thoughts of fear or worry would pop into my head I would stomp my foot and say "No, I gave it all to Jesus and whatever happens He will be with me."  Well, I didn't actually stomp my foot, but inwardly, in my spirit, that was my attitude.  I meant what I had said ~ I committed all of my life, meaning everything to Him.

So how did things turn out this week?  Well, I still have my job. Yea!  We had the A/C fixed and the Lord provided the money without us having to go further into debt. And no news on the mammo results (no news is good news).

However, as my week of walking out what I had talked about came to an end we learned that our next door neighbor is the third neighbor to have a potential sinkhole in his yard. If you don't know what a sinkhole is, it's a hole that can develop under the ground. It can at any time sink in and swallow anything above it. This new info was kind of a bummer since we don't have sinkhole insurance. But, it also is just one more opportunity to walk the walk.  I absolutely know that our home is in God's hands. Whatever the future holds *stomping my foot here*  He is aware of it and He will be faithful to guide me through it.

Now friend, I want you to believe me when I say -  I'm not bragging on myself here.  I just wanted to share how amazing it can be when we "stop long enough" in the Lord's presence. When we commit everything to Him we can relax knowing He is in control.

For me, these last couple of weeks have been another few steps in my journey of Finding Hope and Joy. I so hope that what I share will encourage you in some way.

Here's another saying I'd like to share -
think of it as my little {{HUG}} for you today:
"Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there"
and go ahead... *stomp your foot*, too.

Love ya friend!

Stopping Long Enough

This past week I enjoyed being on vacation for a few days. It actually was a "stay-cation" since we just stayed home and relaxed. A few weeks ago I mentioned to hubby that we needed to plan our vacation. I mean that's what the "official family planner" does, right?  Hubby thought it'd be kind of silly to plan anything since we weren't going away.  Ok, so whatever, I'll plan on my own. Being the planner is sometimes a lonely job.

Of course, you guessed it, I started with a  list.....
~ spend time in blog land
~ organize my coupon folder
~ maybe out to eat just once
~ go over to my parents and use their pool
~ maybe rent a movie
~ perhaps play some mini-golf
~ do a little yard work

About a week before my time off was to start I felt that I needed to add something to my vacation list. This was confirmed the Friday before I started my vacation as I read a post by Bonnie who writes over at FaithBarista .  These two sentences in particular really spoke to my heart: "If we were to stop long enough to really want Him, He would be the prize we’d dump everything for. Just to savor His touch and His words”

Something in my spirit cried out "Yes!"  How I would love to love spending time with Jesus.  As much as I enjoy being busy, Bonnie's post that day helped me realize I needed to “stop long enough”.  I just knew that - spending time with Jesus - needed to be on the very top of my list. I’m talking quality time – not the usual quick “good morning Lord, please be with me today” while I brush my teeth time.

And I kinda hate to admit it,  but I made another list. A little mental list of what me and Jesus needed to talk about. And if you too are a "list maker" I know you'll understand.  If you aren't, well, don't judge. Just love me and pray for me. :)   Anyways, my list basically consisted of a few things I needed to have some direction on.

As I prayed , read and simply spent time with Jesus an awesome, but not surprising, thing happened.  I didn't get to go over much of anything on my list. I didn't get specific answers to any of my questions. No direction to do this or go there. No insight whether I should try this or stop that.  As great as getting answers and direction concerning my little list would have been, I got something so much better.

He again became the one I wanted to spend time with each day.  I stopped long enough to pour out my heart to Him. I stopped long enough to feel His love for me. During  those times this week I recommitted all that I had to Him. And let me tell you that it wasn't easy (I promise to explain a little more in detail real soon). But once I did, it was freeing and brought me to tears. Tears of surrender which turned to tears of joy, peace and love.

So friend,  here is what I discovered - when we "stop long enough", when we desire a relationship with Jesus than the answers don't matter so much. He becomes our answer. Feeling His love becomes our comfort. Knowing He is with us no matter what becomes our peace.

And hey friend, I'd like to encourage you to stop long enough each day. You may or may not get what you're seeking, but you will get what you need.

BTW~ Don't forget to take a minute and stop over at FaithBarista. Bonnie is a great host and I just know you'll really enjoy your visit.

Twenty-five Random Things ~ Part 2

Hey, you're back! Ready for part two?

Remember: I've gone ahead and made new comments under each random thing on the list. So, what I wrote back in Jan.'09 is in bold and my follow-up comments today are in italics.

Here are numbers 13 - 25 from my "Twenty-five Random Things About Me" list:

13. I usually drive five miles over the posted speed limit. (only one ticket)
~ No, I don't believe going a little over the speed limit is a sin (I really did have a preacher that taught this. And you don't want to know what he'd have to say about my tattoos! Refer to #4)

14. Friday is pizza day!
~ It's routine. Refer to #1

15. I would rather do yardwork than housework.
~ Oh yea! Even in the Florida heat - I don't mind getting dirt under my fingernails and sweating and.... Ummmm, TMI?

16. I love the beach and sunsets.
~ Don't you?!

17. I love my husband and can't imagine my life with anyone but him. He is my BFF!
~ Always and forever true!

18. I grew up in New Jersey but, I consider myself a Floridian by choice.
~ born and raised a Jersey girl (don't cha know) and Floridian by choice (y'all).

19. I hate to see someone eating by themselves.
~ Like in a resturant and especially if they're old... it's so sad.

20. I do not like to see other people be made fun of or have their feelings hurt (except on American Idol)
~ Simon Cowell tells it straight

21. I do not like trying new foods.
~ Every once in a while I'll try something different... Like parmesean crusted chicken. Yum! But, nothing too crazy, and not fish, and not Chinese, and nothing with cottage cheese or ricotta cheese.

22. I can not smell. Sometimes it's a blessing (my desk is directly across from the men's room at work- wish I couldn't hear sometimes). But I also wish I could smell- Tom's aftershave, roses and if supper is burning.
~ My mom says my lose of smell is because of using too much nose spray. Refer to #3

23. Thankful every day for God's mercy, love, grace and faithfulness!!
~ AMEN!

24. I am so thankful that TJ & Amber are back in Florida!!
~ They're my son and daughter-in-law who are living with us right now, with their pug (Buggsie) and cat (Jack). They've been such a blessing to us.

25. I love hugs!!
~ And a big {{HUG}} to you friend!

So, it was fun sharing some random things about me. Glad you stopped by.

* * Please make sure you check out next week's post... it's a fun surprise to celebrate six months of blogging! Yea!!

Twenty-five Random Things ~ Part 1

I recently found a list of "Twenty-five Random Things About Me" that I compiled back in January of 2009. It's one of those Facebook lists that goes around from time to time. Someone sends you a list with info about themselves and you make up your own list. You then send it back to them and on to your other Facebook friends.

The info on your list can be funny, interesting and even surprising. As I now look over my list, 18 months later, it is neat to see what is the same and what has changed.

I thought it would be fun to share it here on my blog as an opportunity for you to learn a little bit more about silly me. I've gone ahead and made new comments under each random thing on the list. So, what I wrote in 01/09 is in bold and my follow-up comments today are in italics.


Ready? Here are numbers 1 - 12:

1. I do not like random- I like planned and organized
~ True - but why did I even do a random list? And, I think I should add that I also like to have a routine.

2. My favorite food is chocolate. I believe chocolate is an actual food because it's made from seeds from a tree, just not sure if it should be classified as a fruit or vegetable (they grow on trees, too, - so no I'm not silly)
~ I'm standing by my beliefs on this one... as I eat a double fudge chocolate brownie.

3. When I'm sick I hate having a stuffed-up nose.
~ Why I shared this I do not know. Pretty random though don't you think?

4. I have two tattoos - one of which I designed- and I got them when I was 50 yrs old. (Yes they hurt)
~I've found that people who don't have tattoos usually will ask if it hurt

5. I do not like to journal/blog. I prefer verbal communication. Although I like to read other's blogs.
~ This one makes me chuckle.... I heart blog land! I enjoy blogging!!

6. Love iced coffees and hot or iced lattes - carmel, mocha and white chocolate are my favs.
~ Adding McDonald's Frappe to the list

7. I miss my Kyle every day.
~ This will never change

8. I love Facebook so I can keep up with friends and how they are doing/ what's going on in their lives.
~ Even though I still go on Facebook at least once a day... it just seems to be more or less the same stuff day after day. Not so much in love with it any more.

9. I love music - especially praise & worship at church.
~ Still love music. And Praise & Worship is the best! Some extra randomness: I also like Christian rap/hip-hop. Even have taken a liking to some Country music.

10. I like to read- but I mostly like books that I read for a purpose rather than entertainment. Books that have a message, meaning, are life changing.
~ This one hasn't changed much. I did recently read "The Shack" and enjoyed it a lot. I'm now reading "Crazy Love".

11. I want to learn how to quilt. Sounds like a boring thing. But, I want to make a memory quilt from Kyle's shirts.
~ Still haven't learned how to quilt. But, I've decided to make a rag quilt out of his shirts. It sounds a lot easier than traditional quilting. Hope to get started on it soon.

12. I do not like heights. No higher than say the roof of my house.
~ To clarify: I do not get on the roof. Only go high enough on a ladder to paint or clean gutters.


Any questions? Does it make you want to share a few random facts about yourself with me?

The Gift of Gab

Something I've been considering is whether or not to change my blog's address (URL) to match the title of my blog. I've read how this is a good idea. The reason for them to match makes sense, but it's not a must. It's just that, me being me, I want to do things the right way and not get in trouble. I've always been this way. Just ask my mom - her Debbie "was always such a good girl". Honest, that's exactly what she'll tell you. However, that is not what my high school history teacher would tell you. I believe she wrote in my yearbook something about how "class certainly would have been dull" without me. And she wasn't talking about my sunny personality. It was more likely my chatting during class that caused her to write that comment.

OK - so back to my little dilemma.... I guess it's ok to leave things the way they are. What would happen if my blog's title and address don't match? I mean, really - would I get a warning notice from blogger land's HOA?! Silly me!

So, I guess it's safe to keep the address I have. I really do like it - debgab. It consists of the first three letters of my first and last names. And I do think it's kind of cute. It's also fitting because I have been told (more than once actually) that I have the "gift of gab". I guess I've just always loved to chitchat or gab.

Let's see - let me count the ways....
- hanging around and chatting after church,
- gabbing on the phone,
- email
- FaceBook
- I even have been known to gab with the stranger in front of me on line at WalMart (which confused my boys when they were little, because we "aren't supposed to talk to strangers are we?")

And now there is blogger land! A great new way for me to exercise my gift of gab. I love leaving comments on other blogs, getting comments here at Finding Hope & Joy (aka "debgab") and commenting back when you leave a comment.

Whether you call it chitchat, gabbing, or sharing - it's all a way we can connect with others. We all need that don't we? To feel we're a part of something. A part of a community. We need to know that we're heard and understood. I wonder why that is......

So friend, what do you think - do you like to gab? Leave me a comment and I promise to sit down for a chat with you.

Gathering for Blessings

About ten months ago I became an Independent Consultant with Blessings Unlimited. This is a wonderful Christian company that offers the opportunity for women to have their own homebased business. Think - Mary Kay, Pampered Chef or Tupperware. But they offer more than just a business - it's also an opportunity for ministry. At first, I wasn't sure how I could blend the biz & ministry, but it sounded appealing.

Blessings Unlimited offers amazing inspirational products. Our parties are called "Gatherings". The idea is to gather together with family & friends to share the blessings of God. At my Gatherings I start & end with prayer and read a short devotional. We play games, have a door prize drawing and of course I bring some chocolate. I mean what's a party Gathering without chocolate?!

At first I figured the prayers and devotional time would be the "ministry" part of my new little biz. However, I think it could and should be more than that. Hopefully, it will become much more than that as I make new friends and reach out to my hostesses and their guests.

So far at my Gatherings I've seen:
~young moms exchanging parenting ideas,
~a few ladies stopping to pray with one who was weeping,
~someone pausing to listen to the stories of a precious widow.

And I've come to realize:
~as we encourage, pray, listen, share, laugh - we are blessed.

As I sit here and write this, I feel the Lord speaking to my heart. As I prepare for my Gatherings I need to spend more time praying for ministry opportunities than how many people will attend. I feel the Lord truly cares more about my actions and heart towards the ladies than how much fun or how interesting my presentation is. I think He cares more if everyone feels blessed afterwards than if they got some chocolate. Whoa! Now that's pretty extreme - no chocolate?!

I'm seeing my new little biz in a fresh way. When I typed the title to this post I wasn't sure if I'd keep it. But, I now feel that Gathering for Blessings is the true meaning and purpose of my biz ministry within my biz. Whatever and however the Lord chooses to bless us as we gather together is what I desire.

Wishing you many blessings and some chocolate,