Thursday, June 23, 2011

My God-sized Dream

Yikes! This is a scary one friend. Not my dream.... the topic.... and even scarier is putting it out there. I mean will others think my dream is crazy?

However, I've just started to link up on Thursdays with Bonnie at her Faith Barista Jam and "My God-sized Dream" is the topic for this week.


I thought about just writing something general about how our deepest desires may just be a God-sized dream planted in our heart by God himself.

Or I could have "called in sick" and not even posted.

Since, I'm not one to shy away from a challenge, I'm gonna give it a try. Plus, I really like the fact that when I write and share with you here in bloggy land it seems that by the time I hit "publish post" I see things differently and clearer.

Here I go - I'm jumping in on this week's Jam session!

My God-sized dream plain and simple: I have a dream to sell items that I quilt - on Etsy - to make money - to help orphans. 

Simple enough?  Well, yes and no.

In the last couple of years we've tried two different home based businesses. Both of them in the end have cost us more than we've made. So, I just don't have a lot of confidence in making extra money outside of a "regular" job. {which I already have}

What it comes down to is I have a desire to help orphans and those who are adopting. I even have a plan on how to make the money. It's the actual success of it all working out that I feel will be very God-sized. And makes me say "Yikes" for the second time in one post.

My plan is to sew and sell Raggedy items. There will be rag quilts, rag pillows, inspirational wall hangings and coasters. Maybe even window valences. I've also started creating a pattern for a raggedy teddy bear. Too cute!

I already have an Etsy site. {easy} I already have a second blog about my desire to help orphans. {easy}  I've even made two quilts and two wall hangings for gifts. {easy and fun}   I guess now I really need to get sewing. {easy and time consuming} And then putting items on Etsy. {should be easy} And letting family and friends know. {easy} And then waiting {hard} to see if it's gonna "happen" - if my God-sized dream will become a reality.

Just wait a minute. Back-up.

Let's focus on that one "hard" thing :
Will it work out?
Is God putting this desire in my heart?
Will all of the work bring me to my goal of helping orphans?
Will I be able to persevere and not give up?
Will anyone even want to buy anything?

Now I see it! Do you? It's not the waiting that's so hard! It's the possibility of failing. Again.
{wanna say "yikes" one more time, but I'll refrain}

I don't want to put all that time, effort and hope in this God-sized dream and have it fail.
Yea, well what can I say? Us perfectionist type people don't like to get it wrong.

But, I figure now that I realize what I'm really scared of I can deal with it a whole lot better. One more step in growing my faith and trust. And that's a good thing.

And if by chance it doesn't work out I guess there will be a lot of Raggedy gifts under the Christmas tree this year. Oh dear! That just gave me another idea - a Raggedy tree skirt. How cool is that!?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

A Snapshot With Words

Hi friend, once again thanks for stopping by.

Being that today is Father's Day I thought I'd post for you what I had written and shared at my daddy's memorial service back in April.

Richard A. Strouse was my dad.

I affectionately called him : "daddy boys" I don't know why or when I started calling him that. But, it was a special name between him and me. No one else called him that.

The nickname he called me since I was very little was - "Deb do". You see me being a bit independent and stubborn, like my dad, I didn't want help. If I was having trouble doing something, and mom or dad would offer to help, I'd say: "Deb do, Deb do it".

My daddy was my first boyfriend. When I was a little girl, like most little girls, I loved my daddy the most in the whole world. He was my knight in shining armor and in my eyes he could do anything.

I have so many sweet memories of my dad....... things we shared that I'll cherish forever. There is no way I can share them all. Many of them are like little snapshots in my mind  of something he did, or said or times we spent together.

A few things I do want to share with you all about my daddy are:
- he was a hard worker
- he was a prayer warrior
- he liked to tease and on occasion play a practical joke
- the one thing he valued the most in others was honesty

It really wasn't a good idea to tell him he couldn't do something, because he would do it. Back when we lived in New Jersey he was told that you can't grow azaleas from seed. Oh yes you can..... my dad did it.

Daddy had an answer for everything. The best example I can think of to share is: One day when I was around 12 years old my dad and I were sitting on the front porch. I don't remember our whole conversation. What I do remember is my daddy telling me that:".... too much of anything is not good for you". And me being a lot like my dad had an answer for that. I asked him, "What about water? You can't have too much of that." Oh yea, my daddy
had an answer for even that - "too much water and you drown", was his reply.

He didn't give me and my brother, Ric, every thing we wanted. Nope, I never got the pony I wanted when I was five. But he did make sure we had what we needed and more. The times spent with him and remembering his many good qualities, as well as, how he lived his life are "priceless" memories he has given us.

My daddy had his faults like any other person. He was not perfect, but he was a perfectionist. He would tell me if I was gonna do something- "do it well and do it right the first time".

Daddy took care of his family, he loved us and we always knew we were important to him.

So that is a little snapshot of what my "daddy boys" meant to me, his "Deb do".

Friday, June 17, 2011

This Father's Day

This Father's Day is gonna be different.

It's the first time in 54 years that my daddy is not here for me to wish a "Happy Father's Day" to.

No card to buy that tells him what a great dad he is.
No phone call to tell him I love him.
No visit.
No hug.

Nope not this year. And never again will it be the same as it always has been.

This year will be different.

There will be flowers to bring to his grave site.
There will be an empty place in my heart.
There will be tears.

I'll miss my daddy a little more than I do every other day since he went home to heaven.

And I ask myself a question that I've been asking a lot lately, "Where is the Hope & Joy in all of this?"

I feel a wee bit guilty about feeling this way.
I mean I realize I have the "hope" of seeing him again one day when I move on to my heavenly home. And of course, I have the "joy" knowing that he is healthy and pain free.

But friends, right here and right now, during the last two months that's all been very nice, but almost not enough. Maybe it should be. And maybe it's just the fact that missing my daddy stirs up those "missing my Kyle" feelings. It's just really hard missing two people so very much.

So, this Father's Day I will honor my daddy's memory -  with flowers, tears and "I love you" whispered in my heart. 

And this Father's Day I will also honor my heavenly Father. Even in the hard stuff I will continue to trust, believe and love Him with all my heart.  I'll whisper a prayer of thankfulness for giving me such a wonderful daddy.

Hey friend I just wanted you to know -
I'm adding this post to Bonnie's Faith Jam over at Faith Barista. Why don't you take a minute and swing by.