Sunday, March 21, 2010

I Still Believe

I have come to realize that some of my biggest questions in life may never be answered. And I am learning to accept and live with that.

Because I have some BIG questions they are directed at God. He is a BIG God and He is the only one who could possibly know the answer.

After my Kyle died I honestly didn't lose my faith. I didn't question my salvation. I still believed that God is loving and sovereign. But, I did have some BIG questions... Why did my Kyle die? Why didn't you stop those things from happening that day? Why didn't you heal him? Do you really have my back God? Any guarantees I'll never have to feel this fear and pain again?

After 28 months, I still don't have the answers. I don't think I ever will have the answers ... at least not this side of heaven. And to be honest, I don't think my "mommy's heart" could hear any answer good enough to explain why my son died so suddenly and violently that day. I also don't think that I could understand the wisdom of God with my human mind. Even if somehow He did sit me down and explain the answers to my "Whys?" - I still wouldn't get it.

Maybe God didn't give me answers, but what He has given me I am thankful for. He has given me comfort and strength, assured me that I will see my Kyle again, given me a deeper empathy for others who are hurting and a new appreciation for my family and friends.

About eighteen months or so into my grief journey I realized that my not understanding the "Whys?" certainly didn't change WHO. Not having the answers didn't change the truth. It didn't change who God is or anything concerning His character. So, because of that I am able to say - "I am thankful for God's love, grace, mercy and faithfulness. Even if I don't understand all the "Whys?" in life - I still Believe!"

I want to encourage others to trust Him with their Big questions. I want others to know that God is loving, faithful, gracious and merciful. And even if we don't get the answers to those Big questions in life, we can trust a Big God who knows the answers (even when He doesn't reveal them). We can still believe!

Keep Believing,

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Let's treat the symptoms

I must admit I am really enjoying blogging. With having a goal of posting once a week, I find I tend to pay closer attention to the happenings in my life each week, trying to find the lesson learned.

This week hubby ended up in the ER with a super, major, horrible migraine and his BP was 197/107 on our home BP monitor. He does have high blood pressure which is usually controlled by daily medicine. He also suffers from an occasional migraine. But this headache was so painful and his BP so high he asked me to take him to the ER.

At first, he was given two different medicines that would work together to ease the pain. A third medicine was later needed. Finally, after three shots his pain was pretty much under control. After a CAT scan his problem was diagnosed as an acute case of sinusitis. Sinusitis can be very painful and the OTC medicine he had been taking for a head cold most likely gave him the high blood pressure.

While we were there I guess the ER nurse sensed we were very concerned about the high blood pressure numbers. He told us they "treat the symptoms, not the numbers". He went on to say that hubby's BP numbers were high, but not alarmingly high. Sorry, but they alarmed both me and hubby.

During the next few days I kept thinking about what the nurse said and pondering how it could be applied to life in general. Here is an example I came up with.... our "symptom" could be worry. And sleepless nights, headaches, and crying would be our "numbers".

Now, we can treat the numbers with sleeping pills, aspirin, and shopping therapy. Or we can treat the symptom. The symptom of worry could be diagnosed as not trusting that the Lord is in control. Now that we know the facts we can than treat the symptom with a "shot" of Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him". It may take a few "shots" to really get that worry under control. Another one perhaps from Psalms may be necessary. Psalm 121:1-2 reminds me that "I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth". I am sure after this treatment our worry will be under control.

I'm thinking this can help with many of the problems we experience in life. So, this week's life lesson is: when life gives you a migraine make sure you treat the symptoms and not the numbers.

So, friend, can you think of any other ways to treat the symptoms and not the numbers?