Monday, February 8, 2010

Running ahead

When my boys were little they sometimes would run ahead of me when we were out shopping at the mall. They knew we were going in a certain direction and would just take off. They never hid or got lost. I think they were just excited because they knew the fun we'd have. The mall ment time in the arcade playing games, lunch in the food court, and a snack from the Cookie Factory before we'd go home. Usually somewhere along the line we'd stop in the toy store. Kyle would choose a Hot Wheels car (back when they were only $1.00) and TJ a pack of baseball cards.

When they'd run off they may have known what direction we'd be headed in, but not necessarily the destination. They wouldn't always know which store we'd be going to next. Or when it was time to stop for lunch. Or just what was the plan and what was on my list. I'd let them go so far and than call them back to me. Sometimes they'd run back to me, other times they'd stop and wait for me to catch up to them. Then we'd start off again in the right direction together. As a result, we have some wonderful memories of the fun times we shared at the mall.

The past ten days have been pretty rough for me. I've been tired, crabby, slightly depressed and missing my Kyle a bit more than usual which makes me sad. I think I have finally figured out why...... I am running ahead of the Lord. Just like a little kid who thinks they know which way they're headed I just took off. In my journey to finding hope & joy again in life I thought I knew which way to go. So off I ran. Knowing it will be fun and wonderful and exciting. And wait.... I really don't know the plan, or list or destination. Yikes! What am I doing running off like this?!

So, I have stopped. I need to go back to the way I know the Lord was showing me to take. This is a rebuilding time in my life. Rebuilding of my faith and relationship with the Lord. Rebuilding of my focus on my husband and family. Rebuilding of how I live my life. Rebuilding my convictions. As I start out again on this journey I'll listen better to what the Lord says are His plans for me. I'll try to follow what's on His list of things for me to accomplish. I want to journey with Him, knowing that is when I will find true hope and joy.

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