Sometimes it's just the little things in life... like my happy little sunflower. Last week I shared how it makes me smile. This week I'm thinking about the little things in life that stir up memories.
Little things we see, hear, taste, smell, etc can bring back a memory - good or bad. Even though I want my blog's focus to be about the positive things in life that bring Hope & Joy, I also want to keep it real. So ya know - life is just hard sometimes. And I find that the painful memories can overtake the joyful ones.
This month of May is one of the harder months of the year for me. Both Mother's Day and my Kyle's birthday fall in May. So I find myself with tears in my eyes or a lump in my throat a lot. Sometimes it seems that everywhere I turn there is a reminder of my son. It's just pretty much the normal every day type of little things that stir up these memories.
Like seeing a big black Ford F150.... that's what Kyle drove and was so proud of
or drinking an iced coffee... Kyle introduced me to flavored iced coffee (with extra cream & extra sugar of course)
or driving past Taco Bell.... his favorite was a double-decker taco with nacho cheese on it (at least twice a week)
or hearing a siren in the distance.... there were a lot of sirens the day Kyle died
or just any "little thing" and every "little thing"
Now, any of these little things can bring back a good and/or a bad memory. I am finding that most times I am able to focus on the good, but not always and it can be hard. It is a choice that I make each time. It's hardest when I can't link it to a good memory and I'm left remembering only the pain.
When that happens I go to my "bottom line" and remind myself that my Kyle is with Jesus and I will see him again. My "bottom bottom line" is he is now safe and happy. Because of his addictions to alcohol and drugs, he had pretty much lost all joy and hope. His choices brought him many regrets and much sadness. He wanted so much to change his life. We worried about him constantly. So, my knowing he is now safe and happy is maybe a little thing, but for a momma who soooo misses her son and loves him even more - it is a big thing. And a comforting thing.
So, friend - there is no denying life is hard and sometimes it's just the little things that bring the tears. But, I can still find hope & joy in life. I can... if I choose to. Sometimes it takes going to my "bottom line". It's my choice. After the pain and after the tears, it's the little choices of faith, hope, and prayer that makes the difference. Hey, that sounds like a good idea for a post for another day - "Sometimes it's just the little choices in life".
Wishing you happy "little things" in life,