My Eyes Are Leaking

It's so weird - I'm not really crying, but my eyes are leaking. Big sloppy tears are just slipping out and running down my cheeks.

Note to reader {if I even post this}:
I'm not sure where this post will take me. All I know is the need to write. Many times as I write I see things more clearly and perhaps this time I will too. Although right now it gets a little blurry as the tears fall. {that sounds so sad. but, it's just my little try at humor. i do have a strange sense of humor sometimes}.

Here's how it started....
Last night we were watching a show we had taped called Fairly Legal. Love that show. Love the lead character's attitude, sense of humor, and sarcastic wit.  She, Kate, is a mediator in a law firm. In last night's episode she was trying to mediate between a father (owner of a fishing boat) and son (lost hand in accident on father's boat).  The father is very angry at son and won't even look at him. And I'm ok so far.

But then as the story becomes clearer we find out that the son who lost his hand is a former drug addict. The year before his younger brother died on the ship. The father blames the older son for it all.

I won't  give any more of the story away. But, the whole drug abuse thing causing heartache, tearing families apart, and causing one son to die..... well, that's when my eyes started leaking.

Even after over four years I can still feel the pain and hurt of what all we went through. Usually, I am pretty vigilant to guard myself against watching or reading such things. We've stopped watching many of our favorite shows because of the violence and guns and cops. Last night it kind of crept up on me. Didn't find out about the younger brother and his death till late in the show.

So, friend, that's what it is. A lot of feelings were stirred up.

I miss my Kyle! I want my Kyle back.... and yet I really don't. He is happy and safe. I know that I'll see him again. It's the waiting that's so hard sometimes. It's the remembering the pain that makes my heart break again.

So, what do I do?
Let the tears fall.
Ask for prayer.
Hug my hubby.
Talk to Jesus.

And try to remember the good times. The funny, loving, strong, soft-hearted son that's waiting for me in heaven. Until that time I must think about the good things.

Not because I just figured that out by writing this post. But, because that is what the Bible says to do:

Finally, brothers and sisters, 

whatever is true, 

whatever is noble,

whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. 

Guess what!? My eyes have pretty much stopped leaking! It's left me with a bit of a headache. But, that too will lessen I'm sure. And if it doesn't, perhaps hubby will get me a McD's Frappe. *wink*

Keeping my mind on the good things,
looking forward till I see my Kyle's wonderful smile again.
And will patiently wait until I can get me a huge Kyle hug one day in heaven.