Friday, November 20, 2015

time for sadness...time for joy

Hey there friend!

So here I am marking {not celebrating, never celebrating} another anniversary that I wish didn't exist. I didn't think there'd be anything new this year to share with you. I mean this is the eighth time since the worst day of my life 8 years ago.

What else is there to say?

But as the day progresses and I look back on the previous years, I'm finding that each year is different.....
.... in how the pain hits,
.... when the tears come,
.... and even if/when joy breaks through the clouds of grief.

This year is such a mix-up of my emotions.

...... a time to cry and a time to mourn

Today I feel the weight of grief. I move slower, smile less and don't give a hoot about much. And there's this anger that is just under the surface. Kinda like - "Go ahead! Make my day! I'll be happy to punch you in the face!" Now those of you that know me, know I am not a violent person. But, I am honest and will always keep it real here at my place in bloggy land. So yea, watch out today, you've been warned.

Yet, there is joy coming. In fact it's coming tomorrow!

...... a time to laugh and a time to dance

I haven't seen my T.J. and Amber in 19 months. But, tomorrow they will be arriving here in sunny Florida. For a whole blessed week!

I've already warned T.J. to get out of the car quickly and brace himself because I'll be running out of the house at full speed and will tackle him with the biggest hug he's ever gotten. And then I'll turn and embrace Amber like I'll never let her go back to TX. And then, for the first time ever, I'll meet "C" {the 12 year old they are in process of adopting}. Don't want to scare him. Well, that may be too late after the hugging attacks on the other two. Ha! So I'll sweetly and politely ask him for a hug.

Celebrate? No. Look for joy in the tomorrows? Yes.

Yep! I may not be able to celebrate this anniversary day {what mom could?}, but I can have joy knowing I'll see my Kyle Matthew again one day. And tomorrow I'll see those other three that make this momma's heart dance with joy.

There are so many other things in this life to find joy in. I know that. But, today is a hard one.

Life goes on.
God is forever faithful.
I'll be ok.

Love ya,


  1. Thank you for sharing. I have been walking in the valley of the shadow of death now for 4months, 5 days. It is comforting knowing that others truly understand. Not happy about the reason that they do, just saying is all.

    1. I'm so sorry for your loss dear one. And I know what you mean.... it's sad and comforting all at the same time that I'm not alone and there are others that understand. {{HUGS}} to you! You are very early yet in your grief journey. I know of no words to make it easier or better. I do know that God is faithful and so hang on to your faith. He will see you through it.

  2. Debbie, your pain, your strength, your faith, your love comes shining through. I pray you have a wonderful week with T.J., Amber and C. So happy for C as he is getting a wonderful Grandma....he will love you! Mostly I pray for your peace. God Bless.

    1. Hi Anne! Thanks for stopping by. You are such a dear friend. Yes, by God's strength and the prayers of so many we've made it through another hard day. Hope you and your family have a very Happy Thanksgiving.

  3. Beautifully written and said. What a wonderful verse for today. Such a wonderful way of expressing yourself.


Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to visit anytime - you're always welcome here.